Belief Systems and Our Health

Our belief systems need to be challenged constantly. Much of the current "virtual reality" that we assume to be "real" or "true" is just pure fantasy. "Don't believe everything you hear or see" is never truer than in the world of advertising.

Today, I came across this article in the Franson Chiropractic Blog: That's Nuts!

The gist of this informative and entertaining article by Dr. Stephen Franson, which is a "must read", is that at a certain national donut chain there currently is displayed a picture of a donut under which are written the words "Warning Health Alert: Doughnut Contains Almonds."

For those of you who haven't already fallen on the floor laughing, Franson points out that the ONLY healthy ingredient in that donut IS the almonds. Yes, he says, some people do have nut allergies. But many, many, many more people are allergic to all the other ingredients in that donut - sugar, white flour, trans fats, etc. [We break out in fat! - my contribution to his article.]

Where was the health expert when this advertising campaign was conceived?

Waiting

Lately, I've been thinking about the concept of "waiting". Waiting is one of the built-in aspects of being in a period of transition. We all go through transition periods at different times in our lives. Many of us are in transition right now.

What are we waiting for? Could be almost anything. Waiting for good news, waiting for bad news. Waiting for the economy to get better, for the stock market to go up, for the unemployment rate to go down, for the axe to fall on a job, for the outcome of a job interview, for school to start or end, for the next exam, for the results of a lab test, for the next date, for a proposal, for a special event or the next holiday, for a sale to go through, for a mortgage approval, for a baby to be born, for that check to arrive in the mail, for the weather to change, for your life to change in some wonderful way, small or large. Perhaps we are waiting for life to begin (literally or figuratively) or waiting for it to end. Waiting for nothing. Waiting for Godot.

Robert Grudin (author of Time and the Art of Living) is quoted as saying: In the landscape of time, there are few locations less comfortable than that of one who waits for some person or event to arrive at some unknown moment in the future.

Yes, waiting is often uncomfortable. Sometimes waiting creates happy, excited feelings, perhaps a sense of delicious anticipation. More often, it leads to more uncomfortable emotions: nervousness, anxiety, fear, sadness, impatience, frustration, or boredom. Yet it is these very feelings that eventually move us through a waiting period and into action.

I think of waiting as comparable to the chrysalis stage of the butterfly life cycle, the butterfly being a creature who has left the land of the known (the caterpillar stage) and is quietly going through a period of intense change and transformation (pupation) - a period in which the creature is quite fluid and formless and the end result is as yet unknown. What will emerge, we all know, will be a butterfly or moth. But the creature does not know this, and all it can do is wait.

Is waiting a passive event? No, not usually. Though change during a waiting period is often internal and not always obvious to the casual observer, it IS happening and often at an accelerated rate. Think of the cocoon of a butterfly again. When viewed from the outside, no change is apparent. But if you could see through to the inside, you would see that huge transformational changes are taking place. It is often that way for humans too.

Anna Nagle writes: But the most important thing about learning to wait, I feel sure, is to know what you are waiting for.

Ah, this can be a sticky point, yes? Sometimes we do know exactly what we are waiting for: the next bus, train or plane, the doctor's appointment, our favorite TV show to come on, the baby to arrive. But other times, things are not so clear and we are not so sure. Perhaps we are waiting for our life to get better, but we don't know what that means. Or we're waiting for a better job opportunity, though we haven't figured out what we really want to do with our work lives. Or maybe we're waiting for Prince (or Princess) Charming to come riding up and sweep us off our feet, though we have no idea who we would want that person to be or what "happily ever after" might look like, if, in fact, it exists at all and we were lucky enough to live it.

Nagle has a point. A productive way to move through this waiting time is to get as clear as we can about what it is we are waiting for. We may not get exactly what we are wanting, but we will have a better shot at it. And sometimes, the thing we think we want is not really what we want, and what we ultimately get is often better than anything we could have imagined.

So, how might we use this waiting period to get clearer? We might be in the waiting room of a doctor's office and read a magazine article that speaks eloquently to some change we are making. We might be between jobs and take that opportunity to re-assess our values, priorities, skills, and interests and then choose a new career path. We might be approaching a life stage transition - perhaps graduation or empty nest or the approach of retirement - and use that time to research options and perhaps re-invent ourselves and create a new lifestyle or career direction.

Another opportunity within a waiting period is to take the time not only for inner reflection and change but also for cleaning up the external unfinished business in your life - the clutter, the undone projects, the completion of unresolved relationships, the overdue items on your mental or actual To Do lists.

And yet another way to move through the waiting period is to do things that prepare you for whatever it is that is there for you at the end of the waiting period. The Wayside Pulpit at a local church currently displays this quote: When those who fish cannot go to sea, they mend nets. [Book of Runes, adapted].

So, mend your nets - get the room ready for your expected baby, learn new computer skills for the job you're hoping to get, buy a new outfit for the next eHarmony date, practice your songs while you wait for the recital date, read up on your field, take off that extra weight, eat nutritious food, get more exercise, sleep well, write in your journal, meditate.

The waiting periods of our life are inevitable and necessary. They are periods of rest, renewal, regrouping, time-outs, introspection, completion, creativity, re-invention, and transformation. They are not wasted times. On the contrary, they are often times that provide great growth - sometimes quantum transformational leaps. (Remember the butterfly!)

One day, the waiting will be over - this time around, anyway. What will be the outcome? Will it be what we expected or not? Will it be what we wanted and hoped for, or what we dreaded and feared? Will it be an ending or a beginning? Or both? We cannot know until the time comes. Nothing serves us better during these waiting times than patience, trust and a positive outlook - an inner confidence or "knowing" that all will hapen at the right time and will turn out for the best.

One thing seems certain: there are two things that will tip the scales in favor of getting what we are waiting and hoping for: gratitude and receptivity - gratitude for what we have learned or gained during the waiting period as well as for whatever it is that comes to us, and the openness of heart, mind, and spirit that invites the best possible outcomes.

Sarah Ben Breathnach writes, Whatever we are waiting for - peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance - it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.

Whatever you are waiting for, may it bless your life and bring you peace.

Loss, Gratitude, and Moving On

I have been writing a lot about change, loss, and transitions lately. And this is no coincidence. And it is not just because I am a Life/Career Coach specializing in working with people in transition. It is also, and primarily, because the past year or so has been a time of deep and intense change, not only for me personally, but also for many, many people - in my family, in my circle of friends, in the lives of my clients and colleagues, and for the people living in this town, this state, this country, and all around the world.

Last week, the following quote came across my desk:

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

-Little Orphan Annie

This was the theme quote that Life Coach Cheryl Richardson cited in her Week 35 Newsletter, published August 24th. The theme of her newsletter is "Saying Goodbye: Learning to Let Go." It is well worth reading.

This quote instantly brought home to me the connection between loss and gratitude. When we let go of something or someone in our life (willingly or not), the depth of the loss or grief we experience is directly related to the depth of the positive connection we had with it. And in that connection, there were many gifts - benefits, joys, lessons, memories, pleasures - associated with it.

When we lose something that we have treasured, we go through many stages of grief. I have written about the grieving process in a previous Blog article, Emotional Transitions: Loss and Grief, published in 2008. The final stage in the grieving process is Acceptance. And one of the things that helps us into and through Acceptance, and beyond, is Gratitude. Because the truth is that the deeper the felt loss, the more gifts or blessings have come to us from that which was lost, and therefore the more we have to be grateful for.

The true healing after a loss comes when we can look beyond the sorrow or inconvenience of our loss and appreciate what we had.

Let's look at some examples:

This week, in the City of Gloucester, Massachusetts, where I now live, we have been dealing with a problem of water contamination. We have had to boil our water for over a week now, in order to make it safe for drinking, cooking, and washing dishes. What is the gift in this? Many of us have come to appreciate something we have long taken for granted: clean, safe drinking water and the people who work to keep it that way.

Also this week, in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, we have lost our senior Senator, Edward M. Kennedy, to his battle with brain cancer. This man, this "Lion of the Senate", has served his state and country in this capacity for 47 years. Regardless of one's party affiliation and political views, one cannot help but appreciate the tireless efforts of this man who sought to make life better for everyone living in this state and in our country. His loss is already deeply felt by those whose lives he touched directly. And, I suspect, his loss will also be felt, going forward, by many many others. A large and very public funeral, such as the one for Senator Kennedy, also provides many opportunities for the expression of gratitude - remembrances and acknowledgments of all that he gave to his family, friends, constituents and colleagues over a lifetime of service.

On a more personal level, I have written about my own life transitions in the past few months - the death of my ex-husband and oldest high school friend, the move from a town that I have lived in and loved for 25 years, the possible loss of a friendship that has been very special to me.

What helps me to deal with these losses is to become very conscious of the gifts I have received from knowing these people and this place. I think about what I have learned from each and about how each has enriched my life. I think about how lucky I am to have had these people and this place in my life. How much joy and pleasure and growth and learning has come my way because of them. How different my life would have been without them and what I would have missed. It reminds me of the old saying, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

This morning, the minister of our church talked about "The Grateful Disposition" or how cultivating or having an attitude of gratitude sets us up to be happier, more giving and generous people. She also talked about how noticing what we are grateful for tends to bring more of the same into our lives. Basically, though she did not use these words, she was describing the "Law of Attraction". What we think about is what we get. As we think about the the things we are grateful for, we draw more of those things into our lives.

So, for example, as I think about all that I love and appreciate about Rockport (the town I moved from) - beauty, nature, ocean, friends, community, the arts, spiritual connection, and more - I continue to draw those things into my life.

Each time we experience a loss - especially one that moves us deeply - we can understand, as Little Orphan Annie did in the opening quote, that if we are deeply feeling the loss of someone or something it is because we had a special connection with, or relationship to, it. If it was hard to lose, it must have been very good or special when we had it. And in the recognizing of this - in the counting of our blessings - comes the healing and the gifts that can never be taken from us. And with this, we can move on.